Monday, July 27, 2015

An Immigration Parable

Conservatism in action.

A rat-faced leering levantine named Moshe Finkelstein talks to square-jawed red state White conservative John Smith.

Finkelstein: Hello, Mr Smith!  I am the new president of the local chamber of commerce, here to talk to you today about economic growth.

Smith: Hello, sir.

Finkelstein: I know you are a good conservative, a fiscal conservative, a patriot, a free market conservative.  You value economic growth, do you not?

Smith: You're damn right I do!  The business of America is business!  I founded my own company, I'm a "go-getter" and if I can make it, anyone can!  This is the land of opportunity!

Finkelstein: I'm glad you think so.  So, let's look at opportunities - what if I told you that the Smith family could maximize its economic growth, increase its output, have a better standard of living?

Smith: Keep on talking, I like what I'm hearing!  This is red meat conservatism, I tell ya!

Finkelstein: Now, you admit that others may be even better than you at making money?  Right?  I mean, as you said, if you can make it, anyone can!  

Smith: Sure, it's a big world out there. I'm proud of what I've accomplished, but sure some could do better!  When I go to church the pastor tells us pride is a sin, so I'm not boastful.

Finkelstein: You know, there's the family in China named Chang - I can prove to you they are better for optimizing economic growth than you, your wife and children.

Smith: Sure, China's a big country, lots of people. No doubt some are better at business than we Smiths are. So?

Finkelstein: Well, the economic growth of the Smith family would be maximized, the Smith standard of living would be improved, if the Changs come to America, move into your home, replace you, and take over your lives.  Why, they'll even change their name to Smith!  Mr. Chang will take over your business and the Chang kids - well, now they're the Smith kids - will take the place of your own children in school. They'll get better grades, I'll tell you that for nothing!  Just read Lynn and Derbyshire - good conservatives! - and they'll tell you!

Smith: Wha?  What happens to us?

Finkelstein: You're out. Does it matter?  You're the past.  Just fade away, die out.  Look, just sign on the dotted line here, and we can begin the process of importing the Changs here.  Don't you care about the well being of the Smith family?  Don't you want the best growth, the best living standards, for the Smiths?

Smith: But it won't be us!  Someone else will be benefiting!  All this growth and standards will be accruing to someone else! What difference if they call themselves Chang or Smith?  This is crazy!

Finkelstein (shaking his head sadly): You are really narrow minded, a relic of the past. You  are on the wrong side of history! The future of the Smith family beings to the Changs - what are you, a racist?

Smith: No, but I...,

Finkelstein (pointing and sputtering): I can't believe what I'm hearing.  Out of your selfishness, your bigotry in favor of your family, your fear of competition, you want to prevent a better qualified family to have the opportunity to build the Smith name, to create new economic growth for the Smiths and for the community!  I'm reporting you!  Racist!  Bigot! Hater!  To your church! The media! The watchdog groups! It's a hate crime!

Smith: Now, wait, I'm no racist, I just want to protect my family.

Finkelstein: The Changs are your family now.  Why don't you protect them?  

Smith: I guess you are right.  We'll prepare to move out, give all we have to the....well, to the Smiths.

Finkelstein: It'll all turn out right.  Maybe future generations of the new Smiths will listen to country music and watch NASCAR just like you do.  It's all good!

Smith: I have a question. I'm sure there are other families like the Changs/Smiths.  Maybe the Finkelstein family would benefit by being replaced by them?

Finkelstein: YOU ANTI-SEMITIC SCUM!  Lock him up!  Hate crime! Oy vey, I've been assaulted!